just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
two words...techno handjob
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
