You're so nebulous sometimes
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
