but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
