Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
