meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
