Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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