so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
