We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
