I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
