I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
