hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
