it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
