yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
