Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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