And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
