New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize