I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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