now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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