So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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