I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
