just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
