You just made me feel so damn special
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
