He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
