So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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