i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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