take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
