Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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