I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize