My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
