Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
