so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
