I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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