Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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