I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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