so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
