its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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