do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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