Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
