Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
