I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
