I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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