i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
