weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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