Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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