i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
