How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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