So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
