Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
