I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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