I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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