after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
