eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
