I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
