Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
