I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not ubering you a puppy
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
