We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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