it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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