the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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