Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
