She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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