i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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