Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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