i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
