i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize