I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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