I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There r osticjed everywhere
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
