she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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