i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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