eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
