Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
