I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
