apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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