nut hugger
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
where are my eyebrows?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
