Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
