hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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