i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
