He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
